The Most Batshit Crazy Thing I Saw On The Internet This Week

The Internet is great. Not only can we find the answer to almost any question that plagues us, but there’s hilarious videos of animals doing ridiculous things. I mean, look at this compilation of raccoons being the best things ever.

Is there anything better than a raccoon wearing a party hat? Nope. Don’t even try to argue about it.

Seriously though, the Internet is also a scary place full of some of the most monstrous and scary people that we otherwise wouldn’t even have known existed if they didn’t have such a massive electronic soapbox. We probably wouldn’t know about things like earthing, electric foods, or incarnated unicorns. Sure, books would probably be published on all the wildest woo, but I feel like they wouldn’t go as viral as graphic memes and YouTube videos.

I spend an inordinate amount of time reading through the ramblings of woo-peddlers and pseudoscientists. Most of it makes me laugh because of how bizarre it is. Inevitably something will make me sad because of how dangerously full of shit it is and how easily people believe it.

Imagine a world where we didn't know people believed insanity like this.

Imagine a world where we didn’t know people believed insanity like this.

While we scratch our heads because adults sincerely discuss how a boat could sustain two (or seven) of every animal on earth for a year or claim miso can magically prevent radiation poisoning, we need to make sure that we don’t forget that the king of crazy is continually one-upping everyone.

Does it make you crazy…

  • to not want Pepsi to use baby parts in their flavoring?
  • to not want humanoids, babies that are grown up in utero in cows?
  • [to not want] goats that are part spider that make body armor?
  • to not want ProdiGene to plant live pharmacological corn that grows HIV in it in Texas?
  • to read the inserts of the vaccines where everyone of them says it can kill you or brain damage ya?

To be honest, no. None of that makes anyone crazy. I don’t drink Pepsi, but even if I did, cannibalism by soft drink isn’t anything I could support, nor could I get around the ethics of growing humans inside of cows. And spider-goats with body armor? Fuck that. Don’t even get me started on HIV crops. That just sounds like a terrible idea. Nobody wants to get AIDS from their cornbread.

What does make Alex Jones crazy is that he thinks these are things that really happen, and he willingly talks about them… on the radio and Internet… in public!

No, Pepsi doesn’t use pieces of babies in their product. Senomyx, a biotech company, uses taste receptors derived from the HEK 293 cell line to develop new flavors for Pepsi products. This is the equivalent of claiming there’s tractors in our food because farmers use them to take care of crops. It’s ludicrous at best and disingenuous fear-mongering at worst.

The cow thing? Equally as nutty. Xenotransplantation is most likely what this lunatic is referring to. There’s research that involves growing human organs in different animals. It’s a really brilliant way to to combat the organ shortage that makes life so scary and short for those who desperately need transplants. It also reduces the need for cutting open another person and taking organs they probably need to hold onto. I guess harvesting organs from some poor sap in a motel bathroom is just as good though.

There are no goats that are part spider. There are goats with a few spider genes in them though. In order to produce silk, you need lots and lots of spiders. The problem with that is you need lots and lots of spiders and fuck that. Some scientists created transgenic goats that can produce spider silk proteins in their milk, and some body armor is made using spider silk. No big. Did I mention it reduces the need for spiders?

Artist's depiction of the destroyer of worlds.

Artist’s depiction of the destroyer of worlds.

HIV corn sounds awful, doesn’t it? I wouldn’t eat it. Luckily, such a thing doesn’t exist. Back in 2002, ProdiGene developed a strain of corn that produced a specific protein found on the HIV virus. (I’m just now realizing that cranks rely on the fallacy of composition. Where’s my head been?) This protein could help develop a vaccine against HIV.

Not content to misrepresent this particular strain of corn, Mr. Jones then goes on to blatantly lie about the corn fields being burned by the government because he made a stink about them containing “live HIV virus.” The reality is that a completely different strain — one developed to vaccinate pigs against diarrhea — sprouted in a soybean crop and got mixed in with the harvest. This happened because the fields weren’t properly cleaned after the corn harvest. There’s literally no connection to the HIV protein strain other than it was developed by the same company. It never ceases to amaze me how easily these assholes can lie right to our faces.

I’m not even going to bother with the vaccine insert thing. It’s been done to death, and there’s really no reason for the likes of the Prison Planet folk to believe what they read on the inserts since Big Pharma is lying to us all. Another good one in the same vein is the way they say the WHO needs to be trusted because it says glyphosate probably causes cancer (ugh!), but the WHO can’t be trusted when it says GMO technology is safe. What’s saddest of all is they don’t see the inconsistency.

That’s not even halfway through the video. Jones goes on to tell a story about some guy calling him a liar and that made Jones break his own tooth because he bit a fork. If that’s a true story, and it probably sort of is, it’s just more evidence that Alex Jones has some serious rage problems.

Now, it’s not the claims that make this the most batshit crazy thing I’ve seen on the Internet this week. It’s that he likely believes the shit coming out of his mouth. Could you imagine living in the world dreamed up by the likes of Alex Jones and Mike Adams? I know that in this world we wouldn’t have people like them exposing all the lies being perpetrated by Big Pharma, Monsanto, the gubmint, or any of the other major players. These evil organizations can concoct and execute so many elaborate plots like spider-goats with HIV making fetus cola, but they can’t stop a couple of delusional halfwits with access to Internet. Sounds legit.

Mud Wrestling with the Food Babe

I could make a living doing this. It’s so easy. Vani Hari says something, I (or anyone) say why it’s wrong, she has a hissy fit and says more wrong things, and the cycle continues forever. Perpetual motion machines are real, they just exist solely in battles of wits. Sadly, one of the belligerents in this particular scuffle is unarmed.

By now everyone is probably well aware of the recent public execution of the Food Babe Way that Yvette d’Entremont, the Science Babe, published over at Gawker. I’m not going to waste any time going over it because that would be pointless. I’m sure a lot of you have seen Ms. Hari trying to defend herself against Yvette’s total evisceration of her nonsense, too. I say she tried. That’s not exactly correct. In fact, she didn’t try at all. No, that’s not her modus operandi; she has to attack the messenger. Mudslinging is the only weapon in the arsenals of those who fear facts.

In one of the saddest attempts I’ve ever seen at trying to discredit someone, Vani posted an anonymous email that made several allegations against Yvette. What those were is irrelevant for now but very pertinent to the point I want to make – Vani Hari is damned, dirty hypocrite.

Shocker, right? I could hardly believe it myself, but because she loves us, Vani wants to provide me and you and everyone we know with everything we need to demonstrate her complete lack of self-awareness and ethics. From selling products that contain “toxic” ingredients to banning all dissent while claiming to welcome debate, maybe she’s not the champion for better health she claims to be. Surely a real activist would defend herself against naysayers in very public ways regardless of the costs. (Funnily enough, the first page of her book compares her to Linus Pauling and Martin Luther King, Jr. I’m not making this up.)

Mark Hyman is a fucking idiot.

Mark Hyman is a fucking idiot.

So how is it hypocritical of Vani to post an anonymous email filled with unsubstantiated claims against the Science Babe?

Well, you see, back in January the Genetic Literacy Project posted a scoop from someone claiming to be a former employee of Vani’s. The gist was that Vani knows she’s full of shit, but she’s more interested in the money than actually providing sound advice. I’ve always maintained that Vani is too ignorant to know how full of shit she really is and too arrogant to recognize when she’s wrong.

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Vani was obviously a little miffed by that. Honestly, who could blame her? If some random commenter on the Internet said that about me, true or not, I’d be pissed. It’s the natural reaction.

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She even tries to control the comments on someone else`s website. Power mad!

“This is defamatory,” she says. “Please remove it immediately,” she demands. But Jon Entine was only asking questions by posting this, Vani. Is he not allowed to investigate claims as you do? Is JAQing off only for Vani and tinfoil brigade?

In her response to Yvette’s article, Vani didn’t even bother with the just asking questions routine. She made several defamatory claims including that Yvette was fired for her activities as Science Babe and she’s a not a scientist (chemists are scientists dumb-dumb). This doesn’t even broach the multiple claims that Yvette, me, and every other skeptic being paid to disagree with Foo Boo. (She had the balls to call me a sexist once. ME!) That’s defamatory in itself, but I’m a nobody, so it doesn’t matter to me one whit what someone thinks about my motivations. If they can’t be bothered to think about what I’m actually saying, fuck ’em. I don’t need or want their attention anyway.

But back to the Hypocritical Babe. She demands that defamatory comments be removed from another website (not once, but at least twice) then dedicates an entire blog post to defaming one of my co-conspirators friends with only an anonymous email full of unverified claims. (But trust Vani and the emailer, they can totally be verified.) This is all done with a straight face and not a single one of her fawning minions seems to notice how nasty and vicious Rude Babe is whenever faced with a critic who actually knows what the fuck he or she is talking about.

It’s never about the message with Food Babe. As far as I can tell, it’s all about the image.

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Food Babe will love you — TO DEATH!