The Most Batshit Crazy Thing I Saw On The Internet This Week

The Internet is great. Not only can we find the answer to almost any question that plagues us, but there’s hilarious videos of animals doing ridiculous things. I mean, look at this compilation of raccoons being the best things ever.

Is there anything better than a raccoon wearing a party hat? Nope. Don’t even try to argue about it.

Seriously though, the Internet is also a scary place full of some of the most monstrous and scary people that we otherwise wouldn’t even have known existed if they didn’t have such a massive electronic soapbox. We probably wouldn’t know about things like earthing, electric foods, or incarnated unicorns. Sure, books would probably be published on all the wildest woo, but I feel like they wouldn’t go as viral as graphic memes and YouTube videos.

I spend an inordinate amount of time reading through the ramblings of woo-peddlers and pseudoscientists. Most of it makes me laugh because of how bizarre it is. Inevitably something will make me sad because of how dangerously full of shit it is and how easily people believe it.

Imagine a world where we didn't know people believed insanity like this.

Imagine a world where we didn’t know people believed insanity like this.

While we scratch our heads because adults sincerely discuss how a boat could sustain two (or seven) of every animal on earth for a year or claim miso can magically prevent radiation poisoning, we need to make sure that we don’t forget that the king of crazy is continually one-upping everyone.

Does it make you crazy…

  • to not want Pepsi to use baby parts in their flavoring?
  • to not want humanoids, babies that are grown up in utero in cows?
  • [to not want] goats that are part spider that make body armor?
  • to not want ProdiGene to plant live pharmacological corn that grows HIV in it in Texas?
  • to read the inserts of the vaccines where everyone of them says it can kill you or brain damage ya?

To be honest, no. None of that makes anyone crazy. I don’t drink Pepsi, but even if I did, cannibalism by soft drink isn’t anything I could support, nor could I get around the ethics of growing humans inside of cows. And spider-goats with body armor? Fuck that. Don’t even get me started on HIV crops. That just sounds like a terrible idea. Nobody wants to get AIDS from their cornbread.

What does make Alex Jones crazy is that he thinks these are things that really happen, and he willingly talks about them… on the radio and Internet… in public!

No, Pepsi doesn’t use pieces of babies in their product. Senomyx, a biotech company, uses taste receptors derived from the HEK 293 cell line to develop new flavors for Pepsi products. This is the equivalent of claiming there’s tractors in our food because farmers use them to take care of crops. It’s ludicrous at best and disingenuous fear-mongering at worst.

The cow thing? Equally as nutty. Xenotransplantation is most likely what this lunatic is referring to. There’s research that involves growing human organs in different animals. It’s a really brilliant way to to combat the organ shortage that makes life so scary and short for those who desperately need transplants. It also reduces the need for cutting open another person and taking organs they probably need to hold onto. I guess harvesting organs from some poor sap in a motel bathroom is just as good though.

There are no goats that are part spider. There are goats with a few spider genes in them though. In order to produce silk, you need lots and lots of spiders. The problem with that is you need lots and lots of spiders and fuck that. Some scientists created transgenic goats that can produce spider silk proteins in their milk, and some body armor is made using spider silk. No big. Did I mention it reduces the need for spiders?

Artist's depiction of the destroyer of worlds.

Artist’s depiction of the destroyer of worlds.

HIV corn sounds awful, doesn’t it? I wouldn’t eat it. Luckily, such a thing doesn’t exist. Back in 2002, ProdiGene developed a strain of corn that produced a specific protein found on the HIV virus. (I’m just now realizing that cranks rely on the fallacy of composition. Where’s my head been?) This protein could help develop a vaccine against HIV.

Not content to misrepresent this particular strain of corn, Mr. Jones then goes on to blatantly lie about the corn fields being burned by the government because he made a stink about them containing “live HIV virus.” The reality is that a completely different strain — one developed to vaccinate pigs against diarrhea — sprouted in a soybean crop and got mixed in with the harvest. This happened because the fields weren’t properly cleaned after the corn harvest. There’s literally no connection to the HIV protein strain other than it was developed by the same company. It never ceases to amaze me how easily these assholes can lie right to our faces.

I’m not even going to bother with the vaccine insert thing. It’s been done to death, and there’s really no reason for the likes of the Prison Planet folk to believe what they read on the inserts since Big Pharma is lying to us all. Another good one in the same vein is the way they say the WHO needs to be trusted because it says glyphosate probably causes cancer (ugh!), but the WHO can’t be trusted when it says GMO technology is safe. What’s saddest of all is they don’t see the inconsistency.

That’s not even halfway through the video. Jones goes on to tell a story about some guy calling him a liar and that made Jones break his own tooth because he bit a fork. If that’s a true story, and it probably sort of is, it’s just more evidence that Alex Jones has some serious rage problems.

Now, it’s not the claims that make this the most batshit crazy thing I’ve seen on the Internet this week. It’s that he likely believes the shit coming out of his mouth. Could you imagine living in the world dreamed up by the likes of Alex Jones and Mike Adams? I know that in this world we wouldn’t have people like them exposing all the lies being perpetrated by Big Pharma, Monsanto, the gubmint, or any of the other major players. These evil organizations can concoct and execute so many elaborate plots like spider-goats with HIV making fetus cola, but they can’t stop a couple of delusional halfwits with access to Internet. Sounds legit.


Nothing Is Mere


Poets say science takes away from the beauty of the stars — mere globs of gas atoms. Nothing is “mere.” I too can see the stars on a desert night, and feel them. But do I see less or more? The vastness of the heavens stretches my imagination — stuck on this carousel my little eye can catch one-million-year-old light. A vast pattern — of which I am a part… What is the pattern, or the meaning, or the why? It does not do harm to the mystery to know a little about it. For far more marvelous is the truth than any artists of the past imagined! Why do the poets of the present not speak of it? What men are poets who can speak of Jupiter if he were a man, but if he is an immense spinning sphere of methane and ammonia must be silent?

Richard Feynman

Something About Pots and Kettles

Food Babe recently reported on a dirty PR campaign that she’s “fallen victim to” and made the huge mistake of trashing multiple PR firms in the process. But this isn’t about Food Babe because she’s boring. Any criticism is met with cries of misogyny or the shill gambit. There’s no attempt at serious discourse. Recently, she tried to play the race card but was immediately shut down by co-conspirator fellow skeptic Kavin Senapathy. Continue reading

On the Petulance of YECs by Means of Constant Misdirection, or the Preservation of Childish Tantrums in the Struggle for Relevance

Earlier this month, the American Humanist Association (AHA) worked with congressmen to introduce a resolution establishing February 12, 2015 as Darwin Day. This of course is Charles Darwin’s birthday, and the resolution is intended to establish “a national day to recognize the accomplishments of naturalist Charles Darwin and celebrate the contributions of science to education and humanity.” Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Who could possibly oppose acknowledging someone’s contributions to the sciences?

I’m sure that the title of this piece has already answered that question. Continue reading

Call for action: It’s time to March Against the March Against Monsanto


Friends at the Genetic Literacy project have decided it’s time we organize to counter the misinformation and fear-mongering that comes from March Against Monsanto. Please read the call to action and lend any support you can provide. It’s time the loudest voices come from those with the facts on their side.

10 Questions for Anti-GMO Activists part 1

I love food. I love looking at it, smelling it, watching it prepared, eating it, sharing it, and whatever other acceptable actions one can take with food. It’s the best thing in the world. Seriously, where would we be without food? Entire cultures are built around and identified by it. It’s only natural that my love for food would lead to a love for any technology designed to make it easier to obtain and, in some cases, healthier.  Continue reading

Ruminating on Rabbit Food

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
Doug Larson

It’s been a while since I last posted anything here. The holidays kind of got in the way, and I’m trying my damnedest to get over some mysterious illness that’s plagued me for the last week. I’ve spent most of my downtime catching up on reading and preparing for the new semester but I’m back now and ready to roll. Continue reading